I have shared with you all that I mourn the loss of the dreams and desires that this life has taken from me. This life is definitely not the life I dreamed of as a child. I pictured myself having a husband and lots of children, living on some land with horses and dogs! Taking care of my family and home, being a domestic housewife.
Just the other day I was talking to a friend about this subject and God gently reminded me that I don’t NEED those things, I NEED Jesus! I have to stop looking to dreams and desires, my earthly wants to fulfill me and rest in Him.
Before the stroke, before I got to know my Heavenly Father, I depended on and chased after the desires and goals that I thought would fulfill me. Looking for happiness, love, freedom when in reality I was putting myself in the hamster wheel of pain, fake love, exhaustion and becoming a slave to the things I was convinced would make my life better.
The devil is always trying to make you think that the grass is greener on the other side, he will do everything he can to get you fixated on worldly, temporary things. “If only I had…” that person, that spouse, more money, kids, that house or car. But when you get the spouse or the money or whatever you’ve been depending on to make you happy, it’s not what you imagined it would be. It doesn’t fill the void you have inside you. It wasn’t that “instant satisfaction” you were craving.
We are all imperfect, broken people and you cannot look to another human being to fulfill you, to complete you. That isn’t even fair to ask or expect another broken human to be responsible for your fulfillment and happiness, to be perfect especially when we all know that you’re not going to be.
Money and possessions are ever evolving, losing it’s value and you can lose it all in a blink of an eye. To strive so hard and put so much hope in something that is here today and irrelevant tomorrow… when you have to constantly “upgrade” and can’t ever find contentment.
Yes I do have my moments of weakness and feeling discouraged and wishing I had more, could do more. “If only…” But I have to remember that I don’t NEED those things, yes I want them I desire them
I CANNOT DEPEND ON THEM!!!!
Depend on Jesus Christ, He is all I NEED
He is my strength
He is joy
He is love
He is my peace
He is my provider
He is my comfort
He is my healer
He is my Good Shepherd
He is my contentment
So I can’t look to the things of this world for my joy, my peace, my contentment, I look to my creator, the One who knows me better than I know myself.
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