Letters by Lizzie

Eighteen years celibate. Yeah…eighteen years.
I wish I could tell you it’s been easy. It hasn’t. Yes my situation has made it a little easier…but

I’m still a woman. I have desires. I miss affection. I miss being touched, being held, being kissed, I long to find the man who genuinely loves me for me.

There have even been nights when I’ve asked God, “What exactly am I waiting for? Is marriage even in my future?”

But deep down, I know.
I’m waiting because I don’t want to keep creating connections with people I already know I’m not supposed to build a life with.

I’m waiting because I want to honor God.
And somewhere out there is a man that I want to honor too. I’m not perfect, but I’m protecting something that belongs only to Mr. Future-Husband.
I’ve talked to many people who don’t understand my decision. Sometimes, the moment they realize sex isn’t happening outside of marriage, the conversation changes or stops altogether. And that’s okay, because I’m not looking for somebody who just wants my body.

I want the man who wants to know my heart.
I want those late-night conversations when neither one of us wants to hang up. I want the laughter, the friendship, the prayers, the flirting, the kisses, the vulnerability, and that feeling of knowing, “This is my person.”

And when we finally share ourselves completely, I want it to mean something.

Yes, I get lonely, but I’ve learned something about loneliness:

Being lonely for a season hurts a lot less than giving your heart to the wrong person and having to heal over and over again.

So I’ll wait.
Not because I’m scared of love.
Not because I don’t want affection.
Not because I don’t have options.

But because after everything life has taught me, I would rather wait for something real than keep temporarily entertaining my flesh with something that will not last past that moment.
Entertaining our flesh is selfishness, getting or doing things that make us feel good for a moment. Stepping outside of God’s will and design to find fulfillment and satisfaction from worldly things.

Galatians 5:16-17 NIV