As a teenager I felt alone and unlovable. I had found a guy who gave me what I longed for, attention, affection and I felt loved and wanted. So I ran away with him and we got married.
Five years later my husband divorced me and my world collapsed, I was again alone and unlovable. So I did everything I could to please others and make them want me, I longed to feel wanted and loved .
Fast forward a few months, I have a stroke at age 22 and I’m in a hospital in a “locked in syndrome” where I’m fully aware mentally but can’t move anything but my eyes. To make it worse, of all my “friends” who I worked so hard to please so that they would love me, only one cared about why I had just disappeared. Lying in a hospital, unable to move or talk and no friends, was the darkest time of my life. I felt I’d lost everything.
Just like the prodigal son in Luke 15: 11-16 Jesus continued, there was a man who had two sons. The younger one said to his father, ‘Father, give me my share of the estate.’ So he divided his property between them. “Not long after that, the younger son got together all he had, set off for a distant country and there squandered his wealth in wild living. After he had spent everything, there was a severe famine in that whole country, and he began to be in need. So he went and hired himself out to a citizen of that country, who sent him to his fields to feed pigs. He longed to fill his stomach with the pods that the pigs were eating, but no one gave him anything.
I got what I longed for and ran off to enjoy my treasure. But I soon lost my treasure and did what I could to fix my problems to no avail. When you realize that you can’t fix your problems on your own, who do you turn to?
Luke 15:17-25
“When he came to his senses, he said, ‘How many of my fatherʼs hired servants have food to spare, and here I am starving to death! I will set out and go back to my father and say to him: Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son; make me like one of your hired servants.’ So he got up and went to his father. “But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him. “The son said to him, ‘Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son.’ “But the father said to his servants, ‘Quick! Bring the best robe and put it on him. Put a ring on his finger and sandals on his feet. Bring the fattened calf and kill it. Letʼs have a feast and celebrate. For this son of mine was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.’ So they began to celebrate.
I have learned through the pain and loneliness that like it says in Isaiah 54:10 Though the mountains be shaken and the hills be removed, yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken nor my covenant of peace be removed,” says the Lord , who has compassion on you. Though my world is shaken and things are being removed from my life God WILL ALWAYS BE THERE WITH OPEN ARMS! You can run to our Fathers open arms no matter what you’ve done or been through. His arms will wrap you in unconditional love, compassion, comfort, joy, peace, understanding, forgiveness. Everything I tried to find in people, God has for you, just run to His open and waiting arms!
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